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Sonic For Hire: The Red Carpet Transcript
ET Host: (outside the red carpet) ''Hello, everyone. We're here for the premiere of "Two Bad Characters", (Kirby walks into the scene, then Soniqua) the most talked about movie since something to talk about, show the trailer for "Braveheart". (Alex Kidd and the monsters runs into the scene) And it looks like the stars are beginning to arrive! Here's a few of them now, that's Earthworm Jim, Eggman and "Guest". Gilius: What the hell's a guest, I'm in the fucking movie! Dr. Eggman: Shut up, Gimli, nobody's here to see you, "Ladies, ladies, Room 6B, La Quinta Inn, look for me, pulls eye!" Jim: You seriously couldn't wear pants tonight. ET Host: And here are the two bad characters themselves ''(while they walk into the scene): Tails and Sonic. Tails, Tails! (Tails and Sonic run over to the host) Can we have a word! Tails: (chuckles) Buckle up! (shows his eyes which his glasses are blocking) You're about to get your money's worth! ET Host: Cool as always! Hey, Sonic, please don't hit me! You loving this red carpet tonight or what? Sonic: It's gonna be a "scorcher!" ET Host: What do you mean? Sonic: (confused) Eh, I was, I was trying to do a good thing like Tails. Whatever, fuck you! (in the premiere, the movie starts. Sonic is fighting Dr. Eggman but Eggman hits him with his Egg Blaster) Dr. Eggman: (in a rehersal voice) I'm going to kill you Sonic, ahahahahahaha!!! (in reality) Nailed it! Sonic: (in the movie, with a weak voice) Someone, help me! (Tails jumps in and hits Eggman) Dr. Eggman: (while his vehicle explodes) Oww, my back! Sonic: You did it, old friend! You saved the day! (looks down at the mess he made underneath him) Sorry about all the urine. Tails: Don't worry about it, pal! So what are you gonna do with your half of the rings! Sonic: Hm, I don't know. Tails: You know, you should build a nice little nest egg for your future. Find yourself a wife, start a family and settle down somewhere quiet. Sonic: Oh, fuck that! I gonna let this bitch right on Dreamcast stock, ring-a-ding-dong! (Tails put his hand in his head, in reality, Amy Rose gets upset seeing Sonic mocking their relationship. Sonic sneaks into the boiler room, while Tails sees him and becomes skeptical and follows him into the room). Sonic: (before he can open the boiler door) Tails, what the fuck are you doing in here?! Tails: What are you gonna do, make it real hot and make people complain and wanna leave, real fucking original. What happened to you, men, you used to be great! Sonic: Whatever, just go back to your seat, I came here to... uh... piss on this boiler. You know I love the smell of hot steamy piss!? Tails: Yeah, that is true. But I'm warning you, if one thing goes wrong. I swear... (trying to open the door but it dosen't seem to budge) Fuck! I think this thing is locked. Tails (in the movie): You should get stabbed in the face every single morning for the rest of your life, you lick dick loser! Go jump off a bridge!! (then he pisses on Sonic) Sonic: Duh, huh, come on!! (the movie then snaps to show Sonic's irate face) I have a message for Tails! Dr. Eggman: Oh, boy, this can't be good. Sonic (in the movie): In that message is... YOU'RE GONNA DIIIIIEEEEE!!! (everyone starts panicking) But first, here's a few things I wanna get off my chest! Sonic (in the boiler room): What do you mean we're locked in! You gotta get the fuck out of here! Tails: Relax, let's just chill here and wait till the after-party like fucking gods! (hearing screams) Listen to those screams of laugher man, there eating it up! Sonic: Those aren't screams of laugher. (the camera zooms in to him) I rigged this place to explode to get back at you! Why do you think I let you be Player 1? (fire starts showing) Sure you get top billing, but it also means you can DIIIEEE!!!! (the camera zooms out and the fire disappears) Tails: Die-- YOU MOTHERFU.... (the theater explodes. Sonic and the boiler are shown in space. Tails opens the door of the boiler revealing that he is not dead) So... you're just gonna kill everyone else in the Theater 2, what a dick! Sonic: You didn't die? WE GOT BLASTED INTO OUTER SPACE!! WHAT THE FUCK??!!! (a light shines down at them) Tails: The hell is that?! --End of Episode-- Sonic: (walks into the LowBrow logo scene) Hillarious outtake. Category:Season 4 Category:Transcript pages